Today’s Gospel has Jesus tell us that our “love” for one another is the mark of his disciples. On the surface, we might smile and say “Yes, that’s a nice attribute to have.” But what does “love” mean?
C.S. Lewis, one of the 20th century’s most acclaimed theologians, wrote a book that addressed “the 4 loves”—affection, friendship, romantic, and divine. However, the word is used in everyday speech so much that all sorts of meanings might be attached to it.
Many people end conversations with “Love you” when speaking with family or friends. What do people mean when they say this? Maybe it’s sort of like greeting someone and saying “How do you do?” One isn’t really asking how you are doing. Maybe “Love you” is the same type of communication—not really intended as a declaration of commitment or passion or devotion, but just a way of communicating goodwill. But use of the word in phone conversations does, in fact, leave the listener wondering what meaning the person intended.
I recall a song from my youth asking “What is love?” The answer? “Five feet of heaven and a ponytail.” Obviously, this pop record was directed at a very young audience—right? After all, when one gets older, they know what love is, and then base their marriage decision on who they will love and honor the rest of their lives. Or does this occur?
Biologists debate the role of “pheromones” within human behavior. They “are chemicals that . . . our bodies release . . . [that] cause a reaction in the people around us.” So, too, oxytocin is a hormone . . . that plays a significant role in various aspects of human behavior . . . including social bonding . . . often referred to as the ‘love hormone’ or ‘cuddling hormone’ because of its role in promoting feelings of connection and trust.” So is “love” simply a chemical reality?
Because our physiology plays such a role, this might account for why traditional cultures (your ancestors) and a couple of billion people today have “arranged marriages” because “bonding is too important a decision for young people to make!” Elders choosing marriage partners is far more common in world history than our “boy meets girl” dating game of Western cultures (U.S.) today. A traditional Lakota woman whose husband was chosen by her parents said: “You learn to love the man they’d choose.” True or not, who knows? With something like 50% of marriages ending in divorce today, one wonders what role “love” plays in a relationship—or how it is even defined.
In traditional cultures (your ethnic background), allies and enemies were clearly defined—as were persons with whom you could associate. Recall Black Elk saying that his people, the Lakota Sioux, would kill those who did not speak their language. Similarly, if an aboriginal person encountered someone in the outback, they would look to see if any identification mark was on the stranger. If none could be detected, knives would be drawn. Even within our Judeo-Christian tradition, a scarring rite designated “our people” with whom we could relate (i.e., the circumcision’s “mark of Abraham”).
All of this background is intended to stir thoughts of “what brings people together” in “love” relationships. This is a critically important topic if Jesus, the Son of God, told us that the mark of his disciples would be their “love” for one another. Biblical scholars have pointed out that “loving one’s neighbor” was nothing new—if taken at face value as reported in the Gospel. As indicated, cultures everywhere had a similar injunction. Namely, we’ll “love” our own kind! Our people! We’re number one!
Coincidentally, this topic recently arose when Vice President Vance played the role of theologian and stated that Christians are called to love their family members first and foremost. The current pope, Pope Leo, was quick to reply that Vance’s interpretation was erroneous, wrong, mistaken, or an incorrect understanding of the Gospel. As indicated above, ALL cultures or ethnic groups or families prioritize their members—and don’t include “outsiders” or people outside their network of kith & kin.
Contrary to simply echoing what every culture lays down as its rule of interacting with others, Jesus set forth a NEW commandment. When he said “love one another,” he was saying that his disciples would relate to ALL people as “fellow tribesmen” or as brothers and sisters. When he said this, no one knew that his statement would be a biological fact of human ancestry. That is, we are all elated—the earliest human ancestors emerged in what we today know as the African continent (and later diversifying into different shades of skin due to climate and geography).
This Christian understanding of “love” was a strategy given us for relating to all people, and not restricted to just “our” clan or tribe. Evidence of how early Christian behavior DIFFERED from everyone else is noticeable in a Roman emperor noting: “We Romans take care of our needy. The Jews take care of theirs. But the Christians take care of everyone.” Christians became a diverse people not simply united by tribal affiliation. Looking at how they were bonded by their diversity (a Christian form of America’s “E Pluribus Unum”), a non-Christian said of our community “See how they love one another.”
Drawing from another Gospel passage, this same theme is at the heart of Jesus saying that even the scribes and Pharisees take care of their own—so there’s nothing unique to taking care of your people alone. This passage was likewise addressing the mark of Christian discipleship—a presence in the world that was “reaching out” to everyone.
Specifics of this overall behavior were cited by St. Paul, and here are some of the identifying marks of being Christian: contribute in some way to the needs of the community; extend hospitality to strangers; bless those who persecute you (do not curse them); rejoice with those who rejoice & weep with those who weep; feel for the suffering of others/act to reduce it; be patient in suffering; live in harmony with one another; be a bridge builder; do not be arrogant and claim to be wiser than you are; associate with the lowly; do not repay anyone evil for evil; don’t just do what’s popular and run with fads, but instead do the “noble” course of action”; never avenge yourselves, but instead leave that to God; if your enemies (or anyone) are hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them something to drink; do not give in to evil, but overcome evil with good.
KINDNESS is the language which the deaf can hear, and the blind can see.
Lord, let my life be such that people will say, “If this be the servant, how must the Master be?”